So, it's been a few weeks since my last post...I've been dealing with a wide range of emotions. Sometimes, I get so excited thinking about all the possibilities that God has in store for me and then sometimes, I am filled with sadness and anger. I am trying to be positive, praying for God's will in this next phase of my life. But there is this ever so subtle whisper in my ear, "you don't deserve this."
The root of bitterness. I know what it is. I remember when my husband left that all I wanted was for him to feel the same pain that I felt. I felt so much hurt and anger and bitterness. Bitterness is a worm that will slowly eat your heart out, your spiritual heart. I remember not being able to pray for him and when I did begin to pray, I prayed for God's will to be done, secretly hoping that God would strike him dead or somehow make him realize his mistake and come begging for my forgiveness. It took me literally years of praying before my prayers for my ex-husband weren't filled with anger and bitterness.
I don't want to be bitter. It takes all the joy out of life. It's a spiritual cancer that separates you from the blessings of God. So, when I feel that seed of bitterness starting to take root, I pray, I cry, I stomp my feet and allow myself to feel hurt and angry, I write on this blog and, I remember all of God's promises and that He will never leave me and that He's working everything out for my good.
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